Tag Archives: Puns

Tuesday, January 6th

I was kind of happy that Liverpool won last night, now we know somebody English can win at Wimbledon. As a social experiment I had my son wear a Manchester United shirt. So far he’s been kicked,punched,spat on and verbally … Continue reading

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Monday, 5th January

The thing about vampires is they always have such biting humour. The grammarian was never late. He was always very punctual. You don’t know anything at all about ancient Egypt? Tut, tut, tut. It’s a lengthy article on Japanese Sword … Continue reading

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Friday, January 2nd (Part 2)

Want to hear a Potassium joke? K. What did the blanket say when it fell of the bed? “Oh sheet!” My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so … Continue reading

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Tuesday, December 30th

Why do ship captains understand their sons so well? They’re able to fathom the depth of their buoys! I heard the new auto body shop that opened comes highly wreck-a-mended. I went to go see the movie ‘Shrek’ last weekend, … Continue reading

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Monday, December 29th (Part 2)

I’ve just bought some ghost-shaped laxative tablets. They scare the shit out of me. Once a year my village holds a market for the locals to sell their wares. I baked a couple of cakes to flog – one was … Continue reading

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Monday, December 29th (Part 1)

I just read that the film POMPEII is being made. I haven’t seen the first Pompe yet. Took a fat girl out for dinner two weeks ago. She’s still there. I’ve just finished painting my bedroom in under ten minutes … Continue reading

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Saturday, December 27th

The wife demanded I explain why I masturbated into her selection box. Boy, was that a sticky topic. My girlfriend’s family walked into the kitchen to see the oven door open, the turkey on the table, and me with my … Continue reading

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Tuesday, December 23rd (Part 2)

What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus. What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper! Why is Christmas just like your job? You do all the work and the … Continue reading

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Tuesday, December 23rd (Part 1)

My friend is really interested in magnets. Personally, I can’t see the attraction. Know what’s odd? About every other number. I bought a cheap Jack-in-a-box and it failed miserably. It doesn’t surprise me. I’m having the most amazing sex with … Continue reading

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Friday, December 19th (Part 2)

The woman whose voice provided the speaking clock has passed away. Apparently it was her third stroke. Why are photographers always so depressed? Because they always focus on the negatives. I never jump on bandwagons. I climb the steps carefully … Continue reading

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