Tuesday, January 6th

I was kind of happy that Liverpool won last night, now we know somebody English can win at Wimbledon.

As a social experiment I had my son wear a Manchester United shirt. So far he’s been kicked,punched,spat on and verbally abused.
I dread to think what will happen when he gets out of the house.

In a rather optimistic bout of irony, wouldn’t it be wonderful if Frozen lovers just, let it go.

My girlfriend thinks that one day I’ll be a brilliant father, but I’m not convinced.
And neither are our children.

The world hide and seek champion said it was his intention to get married this year but his perfect woman would be hard to find.

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won’t notice.
Call her fat once and she’ll never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

My wife finds it quite stressful to have two children.
Especially as she had three when she left the house this morning.

I was at the pub last night and got carried away again.
Fuck knows who stole my wheelchair this time.

“I’d like to check myself out,” I said to the receptionist at the hotel.
“Go ahead, there’s a mirror behind you,” she said.

It's sherbert day

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