Tuesday, December 30th

Why do ship captains understand their sons so well? They’re able to fathom the depth of their buoys!

I heard the new auto body shop that opened comes highly wreck-a-mended.

I went to go see the movie ‘Shrek’ last weekend, it was so ogre rated.

After a berry successful attempt to produce a new line of crops, her dreams came to full fruition.

What kind of crime is committed when a bird is attacked? A featheral offense.

I was thinking that hot air balloon operators don’t make very good friends. Sure they can be uplifting at times, but in the end they always bring you down.

When the church posted the new, sped up service schedule on the plaza it was mass times acceleration squared.

The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

Let’s just enjoy the time that’s hours.

Two tropical fruits fought in a cage match – it was mango a mango.

I planned to find my watch today, but I didn’t have the time.

I call my German friend ‘Einstein’.
He’s pissed after one pint.

“Get yourself dressed love,” I said to my wife, “it’s two courses for a tenner today.”
“Great, I’m starving” she replied.
“What the fuck are you on about?” I said, “I need you to carry my golf clubs.”

Timothy Dalton came into my pharmacy today for some Optrex.
“For your eyes only.” I told him.
“Fuck off.” He replied, “That was Roger Moore.”

Blood Test

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