Tuesday, December 23rd (Part 1)

My friend is really interested in magnets.
Personally, I can’t see the attraction.

Know what’s odd?
About every other number.

I bought a cheap Jack-in-a-box and it failed miserably.
It doesn’t surprise me.

I’m having the most amazing sex with my best friend’s bird……
That ought to ruffle a few feathers!!

You won’t believe me when I tell you this, but I’m a big liar.

One of my mates has the habit of humming this really annoying pop song. All the fucking time.
So I took him outside with a gun to his head, and told him to start digging his own grave…
He soon changed his tune.

I thought I’d dug up an unknown species of dinosaur in my back garden.
Excitedly I phoned the Natural History Museum, but it turned out to be a fossil arm.

My son made it through a blood transfusion so I bought him a 50″ HDTV.
He loves his new plasma.

A lion, a witch and a wardrobe walk into a bar.
The barman says, “I’m serving Narnia!”

Season's greetings

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