Friday, December 19th (Part 2)

The woman whose voice provided the speaking clock has passed away.
Apparently it was her third stroke.

Why are photographers always so depressed?
Because they always focus on the negatives.

I never jump on bandwagons.
I climb the steps carefully so as not to damage my trombone.

I met this dwarf called Peter the other day, he’s a baker and he was telling me all about baking flatbreads, it was fascinating.
I love the Pita patter of tiny Pete.

I bought “Supermarkets- The videogame”.
I was disappointed by the lack of Co-op

I went to a party for meteorologists yesterday.
Lovely atmosphere.

Buzz Aldrin’s best pick-up line.
“Hey, I was the second man on the moon. Neil before me.”

I just bought one of those wind-up torches the other day. It’s crap! I’ve been calling it a cunt for the last hour and it still doesn’t work!

If I see one more person misuse an apostrophe on this site Ill go fucking nut’s !

Whoever invented the selfie needs to take a good look at themselves.

I’ve just come back from the corner shop.
I bought four corners.

Toucan play that game

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