The woman whose voice provided the speaking clock has passed away.
Apparently it was her third stroke.
Why are photographers always so depressed?
Because they always focus on the negatives.
I never jump on bandwagons.
I climb the steps carefully so as not to damage my trombone.
I met this dwarf called Peter the other day, he’s a baker and he was telling me all about baking flatbreads, it was fascinating.
I love the Pita patter of tiny Pete.
I bought “Supermarkets- The videogame”.
I was disappointed by the lack of Co-op
I went to a party for meteorologists yesterday.
Buzz Aldrin’s best pick-up line.
“Hey, I was the second man on the moon. Neil before me.”
I just bought one of those wind-up torches the other day. It’s crap! I’ve been calling it a cunt for the last hour and it still doesn’t work!
If I see one more person misuse an apostrophe on this site Ill go fucking nut’s !
Whoever invented the selfie needs to take a good look at themselves.
I’ve just come back from the corner shop.
I bought four corners.