So I told my mum that I’d opened a theatre. She said, “Are you having me on?”
I said, “Well I’ll give you an audition, but I’m not promising you anything.”
I played in a football match that ended in a 2-2 draw.
Whilst holidaying in Madrid with the lads, my mate Dave suffered a heart attack in a bar, however we were all surprised when he was skillfully revived by a retired Doctor who appeared out of nowhere…
… No one expects the Spanish Ex-Physician.
I love my English teacher.
I would hate him if he was any other nationality.
My uncle slipped on some beans last week.
If only he had the benefit of Heinz sight.
I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name.
It’s P something T something R.
I used to file my nails, but I thought: ‘what’s the point in keeping them?’
I stole money from a Dutch holy woman.
She was Nun Der Weiser.
In France they make their omelettes with only one egg.
You see, in France one egg is an oeuf