Monday, December 8th (Part 2)

The Sun headline: Air strike planned
Well I hope it doesn’t last long, I can’t hold my breath for more than 20 seconds.

Who led the Jews through a semi-permeable membrane?
Osmoses

I just saw Toy Story in 3D…
The guy in 4D asked me to take off my hat.

Kim Jong-un promises a new clear future for North Korea.
Oops, spelt nuclear wrong.

I would make a demoralising, patronising joke about your height, but I’m bigger than that.

Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me.
Don’t worry, I only suffered super fish oil injuries.

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately:

I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian.

My penis is only three inches long but it smells like a foot.

I always buy computers that are black. Generally, they run faster and have a bigger hard drive.

Little cloud couldn't hold it in

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