How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
Waiter: “Do you want any dessert?”
Teddy Bear: “No Thanks. I’m Stuffed!”
Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Why is gambling illegal in Africa? Because there are too many cheetahs!
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?'”