What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
“You’re too young to smoke.”
Which state has the most questions?
A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn’t notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.
A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it.
What did Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant? “Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant.”
A man walked into a bar and heard, “Great tie!” He looked around and seeing no one, he heard again, “Beautiful suit!” Wondering what was going on, he saw the bartender walk up and said, “I heard a voice talking about my suit and tie, and that they looked cool, but no one’s around. Dude, what’s up?” The bartender smiled, “Oh yeah, those are the peanuts. They’re complimentary!”
Why did they have to bury George Washington standing up?
Because he could never lie.
What do you call a duck that steals?
A Robber Duck.
Why are fish easy to weigh?
Because they have their own scales.