A man is telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4000, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really?” answers the neighbor. “What kind is it?” “12:30.”
A husband says to his wife, “My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I’ll wear gold tonight.” The wife replies, “Why not wear silver and come second for a change?”
What do cars eat on their toast? Traffic jam.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it’d be a foot!
I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the other day. She was a bouncer.
What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?
A piece of ass that’ll bring a tear to your eye.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
I’m thinking of becoming a hitman… I heard they make a killing.