Tuesday, December 2nd (part 2)

A man is telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4000, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really?” answers the neighbor. “What kind is it?” “12:30.”

A husband says to his wife, “My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I’ll wear gold tonight.” The wife replies, “Why not wear silver and come second for a change?”

What do cars eat on their toast? Traffic jam.

Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it’d be a foot!

I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the other day. She was a bouncer.

What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?
A piece of ass that’ll bring a tear to your eye.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.

I’m thinking of becoming a hitman… I heard they make a killing.

humerus bone

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