Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Borrow money from a pessimist — they don’t expect it back.
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t.
Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.