Q: What is Mozart doing right now?
A teacher asked, “Johnny, can you tell me the name of three great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people’s lives?” Little Johnny responded, “Drin-king, smo-king, and f*c-king.”
I went to the bank the other day and asked the banker to check my balance, so she pushed me!
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It’s okay. He woke up.
A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor queries. “No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They’re normally around 90 degrees.
Q: How do trees access the internet?
A: They log in.
Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?