‘My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.’
‘I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.’
What do you call a monkey in a minefield? BABOOM!!
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
Why did Cinderalla get banned from playing Basketball?
Because she kept running away from the ball.
Why do Mice Hate Balls?
Because they can’t dance
How do you make an egg smile?
Tell it a yolk
What did the hat say to the tie?
I’ll go ahead, you hang around for a bit!
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says “You’re crazy” The man says “I want a second opinion!”
“Okay, you’re ugly too!”