Thursday, November 13th

Where do Cockney bakers live? The Yeast End.

The candle-making machine broke down when someone threw a spanner in the wax.

Do the people who climb the world’s highest mountain ever rest?

The dictator was really upset about the neckwear he had received as a gift. What a tie rant.

He was studying chemistry in college but by third year he was out of his element.

‘I am presently employed’, said the gift wrapper.

People who plug their computer keyboards into hi-fi systems aren’t idiots. That would be stereotyping.

Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.

A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. ‘Are you the friar?’ he asks. ‘No. I’m the chip monk,’ he replies.

The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

Tearable puns

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