Monthly Archives: October 2014

Friday, October 31st

The best thing to carry with you when you start feeling tired is a knapsack. Why was the broom having a bad day? He didn’t get enough sweep. I used to have a pet leech. It was attached to me. … Continue reading

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Thursday, October 30th

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick. What do you call cheese that isn’t … Continue reading

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Wednesday, October 29th

The high school music teacher was quite controversial. He told his students to read band books. In ancient Egypt, papyrus farmers taught people the importance of reeding. When his wife demanded that he give up polo, he decided to chukker. … Continue reading

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Tuesday, October 28th

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: ‘Does this taste funny to you?’A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: ‘A beer please, and one for the road.’ … Continue reading

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Monday, October 27th

Never trust atoms, they make up everything. Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was … Continue reading

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Sunday, October 26th

“Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.” “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.” What happened to the lawyer who was thrown out of a saloon? He was disbarred. Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder & got … Continue reading

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Saturday, October 25th

The designers of jeans are always looking at the bottom line. After 10 pints I was dangerously weaving in the middle of the road. I thought it would probably be safer to make the basket at home. I once had … Continue reading

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Friday, October 24th

When a guy pulls his penis out, he can tell what his partner thinks about his size based on their sighs. If you hate when people pull up next to you at a stoplight staring, revving up their engine and … Continue reading

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My struggle with Selective Mutism

Originally posted on Sammie Bees:
I don’t know if many people even know what selective mutism is. It’s basically an extreme social anxiety where the person with it is unable to talk in certain situations, and to be honest, even though I’ve…

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Thursday, October 23rd

I bet the butcher the other day that he couldn’t reach the meat that was on the top shelf. He refused to take the bet, saying that the steaks were too high. Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing … Continue reading

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